Goyo Goes Gonzo in El Congreso

“Con la plata, baile el mono” (1)

And suddenly with little preplanning and a simple invite from one of the press liaisons for an ‘official’ Argentine elected official, from Mendoza, there I was - sitting in an old balcony booth draped with aging red curtains and tiny red seats, imagining that this was the same type of booth that perhaps former U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was shot in, or was it John Wilkes Booth who was actually in the booth… or both? (2) Below me looks like some kind of set from a movie, maybe some movie I’ve never even seen before, or maybe I’m thinking of C-SPAN, but its impressive - the Argentine Camera de Diputadas – or the equivalent of the U.S. House of [non] Representatives.

Modern day Argentine politics, despite what most Argentines would rather not admit, was actually modeled after the U.S. political system including the original version of Argentina’s Constitution, first ratified after several draft attempts and a civil war, in 1852. Still in effect today (although its been modified several times, mostly recently in 1994) even after several military juntas or interim military dictatorships (the most recent was the one between 1973-1984 where up to 30,000 dissidents or leftists were systematically tortured, slaughter and disappeared, a verb that doesn’t even exist in English) completely bypassed it and the entire political system altogether (obvio) (3). The constitution created the executive office of the President, the Legislative Congress, consisting of an ‘upper’ Senate (73 seats) voted in to serve four year terms and a ‘lower’ Chamber of Deputies (257 seats) which is proportionally based on population within the given provinces throughout Argentina, and an independent judiciary Supreme Court.

The semi-circular arc below is filled with rows and rows of dark mahogany desks, all with individually built-in copper ashtrays, identical microphones encased in yet more mahogany and that little red light that indicates when, where and who is speaking at any given time. Each desk is also accompanied by dark leather swiveling and reclining chairs and a high-tech fingerprint recognition voting system that lets the deputies digitally sign in at any of the desks and vote yeah or nay on whatever the current issue at hand may be.

Today is Wednesday, which is the one-day per week that both the Senate and the Deputies normally gather to meet, talk and vote. It’s very interesting to watch at least but even though I’ve just recently passed level four Spanish at the UBA and can pick up most of what’s being said, I haven’t the faintest idea on the context or what’s being talked about or voted on. Whatever it is, it passes overwhelmingly as illustrated on the oversized TV monitor bank that is the only thing besides the fingerprint voting system that even resembles anything remotely new in this very old-world Congress building.

But what really amazes me is the behind the scenes scene, upstairs and down the hall from the Deputies and the Senate floors, around the paint-chipped-and-peeling- corner and down another unlit hallway and behind closed doors. This is where the real action takes place and this is where I sit for almost six hours; listening, lurking, leering and learning that what goes on behind the scenes in Argentine politics STAYS behind the scenes. Visions of mafia bosses and money laundering schemes fill my head and it’s like I’m in a Woody Allen film that never got made due to speculative lack of acceptance by the American viewing public when initially pitched to financial backers.

There are two woman sitting at opposing desks; one in her late thirties and almost my height (read: very, very tall), sexy and super skinny that the other refers to as flaca and one that is thirty, cute and bit chubby (especially by Argentine standards) that the flaca does NOT refer to as gordi, which means gorda or ‘fatty’ and is actually a common term of endearment here and not an insult like it would be perceived in the States.

The flaca has her high heels on her desk as she chain smokes Marlboro Reds in her pin-stripped suit, sipping on yerba mate while gordi answers her desk phone and moto-razor cell simultaneously while typing on an ancient computer and reading her emails back to someone on one of the lines she’s holding. The phones keep ringing and flaca keeps screaming, in this passionate Latina-type way sounding and appearing upset even though I was later told that she was happy and just a bit excited.

Trapped but enthralled, without an official escort back to my awaiting and expired California drivers license that I left with security at the side entrance to the Congress, I hammer away on my laptop until the battery dies and gordi finishes her meeting with an unnamed Senator regarding President Kirchner’s upcoming visit to Mendoza this week. They are trying to bring the more extreme leftist factions in Mendoza together to the barely-left-of-center Kirchner point of view (4) along with others in his ever-growing and strong political block. We finally leave at close to 11PM and hit the cold and freshly rained-upon streets. Thanks gordi for everything – Dios Mio!

1 - “With money, the monkey dances” which is a popular saying here that I just learned recently from a local cab driver. Basically, with money… anything’s possible. And not in terms of the American dream crap; rather like you could hire anyone to do anything here, or kill twenty people for example, and not have to go to jail. Or rob the country blind and sell off all the national assets to foreign interests and not go to jail because there is no ‘proof’, like ex-president and current Senator Carlos Menem allegedly did.

2 – Actually, Lincoln was in the booth when Booth came in and shot him in that very same both. Wikipedia gives a detailed explanation of the entire Lincoln assassination at Ford’s Theatre in Washington D.C. on April 14, 1865.

3 – Obvio means ‘obviously’ in Spanish and, as was explained to me in Level Four Spanish by my professor, is slightly more ironic than claro, which means ‘of course’ or ‘clearly’ (lit.).

4 - Kirchner's current leanings are against former President Menem's 'strictly aligned with the U.S.' and is very left-of-center in terms of U.S. politics. Led by Venezualan President Hugo Chavez, the anit-American MercoSur is a group of South American countries that are trying to move away from what they deem as American Imperialist tendencies and to exist largely on their own without the traditional influence of the American government or military... more on MercoSur later, but needless to say, Paraguay is a token member despite of the influx of U.S. monetary aid and military presecence under the guise of 'joint military exercises.'